100 things I'm doing (or trying to do) to feel normal as a new mom
... and that might help you in a period of transition and chaos, too
Before I go any further, let’s just get one thing out of the way: my use of the word “normal” in the title of this post.
Growing up, this particular word was actually somewhat taboo in my household. Shoutout to my mom, who was probably ahead of her time in laying down the law here. I have a feeling that plenty of kids in 2024 are discouraged from making “normal” a regular part of their vocabulary, but we weren’t thinking much of it in the nineties.
I don’t have to tell you why calling something “normal” can cause problems. It sets up a standard against which other things can be called abnormal, which we see as inherently bad. As we continue to figure out how to collectively place value on difference without judgment, these distinctions—and the corresponding vocabulary we use for them—are critical.
In the context of my thoughts here, I hope you’ll give me a pass. Why? Because I’m only referring to what’s normal for me.
I never want to be the arbiter of what’s normal or not for anyone or anything outside of myself, but guess what? I like to think I’m the ultimate authority on what feels typical for me, myself, and I—and in a time of life when so many things are changing, that’s not such a terrible thing to hold on to. Since the beginning of this year, I’ve become a mom, done my best to create a sustainable maternity leave for my unconventional work structure, and re-adapted what I thought I had figured out about parenting as my husband returned to work. At the same time, there are a few big things happening behind the scenes work-wise.
Disclaimer time: I don’t claim to be the only one to ever navigate these big life transitions—nor am I naive enough to think that others in my position don’t have an even more complicated road to travel. In fact, my awareness of these changes as familiar to so many people is part of why I wanted to write this post.
Currently Reading: Happiness Falls by Angie Kim
I chose this book for March in the SWR book club! I’m about 50 pages in so far. It’s been a bit of a slow burn for me getting into the world, but I can feel it starting to pick up speed.
My hope in collecting this list of 100 things I’ve done to feel (at least somewhat) “normal” during this period is to remind you of the wide range of options available to you if you are struggling through your own transition to parenthood or otherwise. I can’t claim to have felt like my usual self at every moment of every day, but I like to think I’ve done okay—and I think that’s reason enough to offer up a few (one hundred, to be exact) pieces of unsolicited and un-expert advice.
(As a big therapy gal, I would also be remiss not to recommend that you seek support if a particular life transition is proving especially difficult. I stand behind my list, but this is all purely anecdotal.)
Without further ado, let’s go into the list. I hope there’s something here you can use or adapt for yourself—or share with someone you love.
Here are 100 things I'm doing (or trying to do) to feel normal as a new mom:
1. Making my bed every day (because this is something I always did before! Even when life feels chaotic, I do it.)
2. Keeping up with current events (in a thoughtful, intentional way)
3. Moving my body as much as possible (according to instructions from my doctor, of course)
4. Making proactive decisions in support of my mental and physical health (for me, this looked like formula-feeding and I have zero regrets)
5. Working in the pockets of time available to me to reconnect with other parts of myself
6. Swearing
7. Using my planner and making daily to-do lists (even if my days and tasks look a little different these days)
8. My nightly skincare routine, no matter how tired I am
9. Listening to podcast episodes about a wide range of subjects while I get tasks and chores accomplished
10. Making Spotify playlists to mark this very unique moment
11. Putting things on the calendar for the future, for both work and play
12. Sending cards
13. Treating myself to little surprises with a little online shopping
14. Watching reality TV
15. Using childcare help from family for date nights with my husband
16. Asking friends about non-baby things
17. Chasing inbox zero
18. Writing Substack posts like this
19. Having meals at the table instead of the couch
20. Taking walks in my neighborhood and stopping into my usual places
21. Researching family-friendly activities in the locations on our travel bucket list
22. Washing my sheets regularly, both for hygienic and indulgence purposes
23. Cheap eye and face masks when the going gets tough
24. Bucking the pressure to show up and engage with social media like I’m a different person than I was before
25. Brushing my dog
Making lots of mistakes
27. Indulging my weird micro-interests, especially in the form of online rabbit holes
28. Monthly Nuuly boxes, which I recommend to truly everyone (and I have a referral code if you want to try it out!)
29. Talking to Matt about things other than Will, even though Will is still our favorite subject
30. Starting new shows
31. Celebrating birthdays and other milestones with/for loved ones
32. Asking for what I need
33. Expressing what I don’t need (or trying to)
34. Keeping my nails painted, even if they’re messy
35. Using my bullet journal to make and track monthly goals (which look a little different than they did before)
36. Making fun of myself
37. Lots and lots of crossword puzzles on my phone
38. Knowing when I need a break and figuring out how to take one
39. Identifying people who have already weathered this transition in a way that makes sense to me and trying to follow their lead
40. Using regular library hold pick-ups as easy outings
41. Sticking with a therapy schedule!
42. Trying to release the pressure around having people visit and what that “requires” of me
43. Seeking out real online connections
44. Physical comfort always—which sometimes looks like no bra and sweats and sometimes looks like a full face of make-up
45. Getting into bed as early as possible (which has been something of a passion of mine for the last year or so, but has become even more of a priority)
46. Dancing to music that makes me nostalgic for high school, most of it un-wholesome
47. Not forcing myself to finish books that I’m not enjoying
48. Developing routines… and changing them as necessary
49. Getting fresh air whenever possible
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