It’s graduation season, baby.
The girls are shopping for eyelet dresses and funky wedges that will look cool with their frumpy gowns. The boys are… well, I don’t know. Can someone tell me?
(It’s worth noting here that I graduated from high school in 2008 and college in 2012, both years when—unfortunately—gender was treated less as a spectrum and more as a binary and when I didn’t have the chance to see my peers expressing their identities in unique, nuanced, and meaningful ways. When I come across photos of commencement ceremonies from more recent years, I see space being created for all grads—and I hope we continue to see more of that.)
In 2003, one Loreli Leigh Gilmore (the second, better known as Rory) graduated from the Chilton Preparatory School in Hartford, Connecticut. While we didn’t get to see her shopping for her commencement wardrobe on the show that made her famous, I can imagine that she probably landed on something pretty simple (note the aforementioned eyelet dress), though her mom may have been able to convince her to choose something a little bolder to wear on her feet. Maybe I’m saying that because I like to think the high school versions of Rory and me had similar taste. After all, prior to the bananas streaming event that was the 2016 Netflix reboot, she was an uncomplicated fave and a beacon for overachievers like myself.
Like Rory, I had the opportunity to speak at my high school graduation. I wrestled with the assignment of gathering my thoughts for the occasion, and not only because the environment for my own commencement could not have been more different than Chilton’s. Far from the ivy-covered courtyard of a private school, I received my diploma in the over-air-conditioned, extremely gray expanse of a college basketball arena—the only place large enough to accommodate my large graduating class and all of our loved ones.
I just didn’t know what to say.
It probably didn’t help that by then I’d had the chance to watch Rory’s iconic Chilton commencement speech—along with others made by my fictional faves—and wonder if I could ever measure up. It was pretty terrifying.
Currently Reading: Friends in Napa by Sheila Yasmin Marikar
I’ve been making slow progress on this one over the last few days, and I’m anxious to have more dedicated time to jump in. I’m totally picking up on the White Lotus comparison that I’ve seen noted in reviews and blurbs. So far, Friends in Napa feels fun and juicy and lush… and I know something dark is coming!
It’s been nearly sixteen years (!!!) since I survived my own brush with graduation speech-making, and I have new perspective on Rory’s address.
With all due respect to our girl Lorelei Leigh, I’ve put together some notes…
Headmaster Charleston, faculty members, fellow students, family and friends, welcome.
Fine. This is polite. Respectful. I can’t argue with it. No notes.
We never thought this day would come. We prayed for its quick delivery, crossed days off our calendars, counted hours, minutes, and seconds, and now that it's here, I'm sorry it is because it means leaving friends who inspire me and teachers who have been my mentors - so many people who have shaped my life and my fellow students' lives impermeably and forever.
This takes me back. I remember feeling this way for basically my entire senior year of high school, as if nine months of classes and extracurricular activities and the rare special event for twelfth graders were essentially just a runway to graduation. At that stage of life, that nine-month period does, I guess, feel endless. It all feels so heavy… and I think Rory does a nice job of expressing that here. Copper boom!
I live in two worlds. One is a world of books.
Wow, Rory. Way to make a girl feel seen. Although—I’ve gotta say—this feels like a pretty melodramatic way to express one’s love of reading. Anyway, I haven’t watched this episode in literal years and I can still hear her saying these lines in my head. It gives me the chills.
I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina, and strolled down Swann's Way.
Interesting to read this list now and see how much of an emphasis there is on authors who are white and male! If Amy Sherman Palladino were to rewrite this episode in 2024, I imagine there would be more diversity in this moment, but even so, I would have loved to see Rory toss in some variety in 2003. Yes, we know she digs the classics, but (as we’ll soon hear) she was raised in a household with way cooler taste. I find it hard to believe that the Rory we knew on TV wouldn’t have had a few amazing women or POC authors to include on her list of favorites. Mixing things up would also have helped her connect with her peers!
It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior.
Nice transition.
My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything.
This is still a nice transition, but we’re beginning to veer into the “all about Rory” vibe that ultimately turned people against our protagonist in later seasons and the reboot. Shouldn’t we be using this moment as an opportunity to talk about the individuals who serve as the inspiration for the entire graduating class? I would gladly listen to a Rory Gilmore Oscar acceptance speech (remember that turn in Romeo and Juliet?), but this is not that.
Richard and Emily Gilmore are kind, decent, unfailingly generous people. They are my twin pillars without whom I could not stand. I am proud to be their grandchild.
All of this is true. Richard and Emily rule. (Incidentally, I can’t wait to read Kelly Bishop’s memoir, The Third Gilmore Girl, when it hits shelves this fall.) But, Rory, this means little to nothing to basically everyone in the audience. It made your grandparents feel good, but this isn’t about them! If this is the direction we’re going, all of your classmates should also have a moment to publicly express their gratitude for family members, too. That would take forever.
But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life's blood, Lorelai Gilmore. My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn't do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be.
Again, this means little to nothing to your audience. A few other notes…
The phrase “life’s blood”—I don’t like it. It gives me the ick.
Years of therapy lead me to believe that this kind of language for and about Lorelei contributes to what can only be an unhealthy relationship between mother and daughter. Can we trace their falling out several seasons down the road to this moment? I doubt it, but it’s certainly one more block in the precarious Jenga tower that is the two Loreleis.
On the plus side, I really appreciate what she’s saying about the lessons her mother taught her and how much possibility she sees for the future as a result. Given the chance to workshop this speech alongside its writer, I might suggest that she start here, give her mom a sweet little shoutout, and proceed to say more about the limitless potential of the class of 2003.
She filled our house with love and fun and books and music, unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith.
Now we’re mixing things up. Show me some of that in your aforementioned world of books, Rory.
As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don't know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her.
If we’re workshopping this, I think there’s a place for a line like this—perhaps as part of Rory’s reference to the lessons from her mom that she holds most dear. Perhaps she could weave in a larger message for her classmates about unexpected role models or everyday heroes. Instead, we’re really shining the spotlight exclusively on Lorelei Gilmore and I, for one, am surprised that this made it past whatever committee needed to approve the speech ahead of commencement.
Thank you, Mom. You are my guidepost for everything.
I feel this deeply. One of the reasons I—like many other young women of my generation—connected so much to the show in the first place is because I watched it with my mom and saw echoes of our dynamic in the relationship between Lorelei and Rory. But we all know this belongs in a card and not a speech. This was your time to unite the class, Rory! To give them something to think about as they head off into the world beyond Chilton! Unless your mother is willing to serve as their guidepost for everything after graduation, this isn’t going to be that useful to them.
Naturally, Rory gets a great response to her speech—and I love that for her. In the world of Chilton and Stars Hollow, our gal can do no wrong, and while I have some questions about what’s driving this graduation address, it would have broken my heart to see her fall on her face behind that podium (literally or figuratively).
Maybe I’m just jealous. Maybe I just wish I’d been allowed to use my own speech at graduation as a moment to talk about my favorite books and people. It would have felt a lot more manageable than the prospect of imparting some great wisdom to my peers at the tender age of eighteen. Who trusted me with that responsibility, anyway?