What Matt going back to the office means—and what it doesn't
On figuring out the *new* new normal
As I begin to write this post, it’s been approximately thirty-two minutes since Matt left the house to return to the office for the first time since I called him in the middle of the afternoon on Monday, January 8 with the news that my water had broken.
In some ways, it felt completely disorienting. But it also felt normal. When he came to kiss me goodbye, he was back in his old work uniform (jeans and a blue button-down) with his travel coffee mug in hand. I was already in front of my laptop. He’d already read more about the financial markets since he woke up than I’ve read in my entire life. We wished each other good days and said a few other nice things.
There were, of course, a couple of notable differences. First, there was the location of said exchange. Rather than my office, it happened on the floor of our baby’s room. Also, there was, well, the baby—snoozing nearby. And then there were the tears. Because I was sad.
Matt works for a company with an incredibly generous family leave policy that applies to non-birthing parents, too. He was able to spend a full six weeks home with me and Will. Unfortunately, our country is far from getting family leave (along with universal childcare and so many other things) right, and I hate that so many others don’t share in the privilege we’ve had in this transition to life as a bigger family unit. Yet, as I continue to improvise what my own maternity leave looks like given my unconventional work structure, I’m incredibly grateful to Matt’s employer—and, more importantly, grateful for Matt and the ways we’ve been able to show up together to meet the wild ups and downs of the last month and a half.
But that’s it! It’s over now! Forgive me for sounding a little like Carrie Bradshaw here, but—and just like that, life is back to normal. Well, a new normal. A new new normal, since we’ve spent the last few weeks working out what it means to be parents.
I keep describing this part of the experience as “popping the bubble.”
Since January 9, Matt and I—and Will and Irv, of course—have been wrapped up in what feels like our own little world. Yes, we’ve been lucky to have the incredibly generous support of friends and family, but at the end of the day (which feels like a weird phrase since many of the days don’t have ends per se and just kind of flow into the next one) and also in the middle of the night, it’s been just… us. We’ve been in the trenches of the hardest parts of the transition as a team, and we’ve also shared some incredibly special moments and what feels like a million laughs. Obviously, Matt and I didn’t invent the concept of growing a family and we can hardly lay sole claim to this wild experience—but our bubble is our own and no one will ever know exactly what it was like to be inside it in the early weeks of 2024. Matt’s return to the workplace—one that largely does not support remote work—feels like someone taking the teeniest of needles to that bubble. I know we’ll stay in the trenches together and that there are many more special moments and laughs to come, but this part is over.
Currently Reading: By the Book by Jasmine Guillory
I was looking for something light and sweet and fun—and so far, this is hitting all the right notes. It’s part of a series of books inspired by Disney movies, for which the publisher commissioned popular authors for every installment. By the Book is Guillory’s fresh, adult take on Beauty and the Beast, which happens to be one of my favorite Disney classics. I’m just a few chapters in, but at this point, I think I can recommend it to anyone in search of the same whimsical fare I’ve been craving.
There’s been so much lead-up to this moment, and as sad as I feel about it, there’s relief in knowing that we’re no longer delaying the inevitable. As a true routine girlie, I’m excited to figure out what our days are going to look like outside the bubble. It’s empowering to tackle motherhood in a new way and to integrate the new responsibilities and joys with my work, my interests, and the other things that make me who I am. I love to feel independent, and if I’m being totally honest with myself, having Matt by my side constantly over the last six weeks has made me more reliant on another person than I’m really comfortable being. It’s time to get into my own zone as Will’s mom.
This shift for our family looks different than it does for other families, and by way of a sort of personal declaration (pump-up speech? pep talk?), I’ve assembled these lists of what Matt’s return to the office means… but also what it doesn’t. My hope is that it reminds me of our family’s ability to figure out what works best for us.
Here’s what Matt’s return to the office means…
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